- The Horrors of Turkish Driving: PART TWO

The term ‘Micropenis’, which is an actual medical term, describes an unusually small penis in a human male. A common criterion for this condition is a dorsal (measured on top) erect penile length at least 2.5 standard deviations smaller than the mean penis size. The condition is usually recognized shortly after birth. The term is most often used medically when the rest of the penis, scrotum, and perineum is well-formed. One way of recognizing a micropenis victim is to go to Turkey and look for any vehicle being driven in a ridiculously piss-poor manner, such as the one in the clip you’re about to watch.



Let’s hope he’s removed himself from the gene pool by now

Micropenis can have a variety of causes. Since it is defined statistically, a large proportion of males with micropenis are simply normal but in the lowest percentile of normal size. While driving like a total moron is an obvious symptom of this condition, it is not believed to alleviate it in any way, and is, therefore, a totally pointless exercise. A certain sinancetinkaya, the YouTube contributor of this video, had this to say, ‘Video benim değil, araç sanırım clio v6 RS (The video isn’t mine, I believe the vehicle to be a clio v6RS).’ A man of few words, clearly. Naturally, neither sinancetinkaya nor anyone else would openly admit to being afflicted with this condition, but I’m willing to take his word for it that this isn’t him driving. A zakaka31 elaborates, ‘adam manyakmış (the man is a maniac).’

- Zen and the art of being a moron

Many fine men have ridden motorbikes. Few have written about them as eloquently as Robert M. Pirsig in Zen and the art of motorcycle maintenence:


Not everyone understands what a completely rational process this is, this maintenance of a motorcycle. They think it's some kind of a "knack" or some kind of "affinity for machines" in operation. They are right, but the knack is almost purely a process of reason, and most of the troubles are caused by what old time radio men called a "short between the earphones," failures to use the head properly. A motorcycle functions entirely in accordance with the laws of reason.


Somehow I doubt the total fuckwit in this clip has read this book...


We're not talking about rocket science here, gentlemen

This is funny. This is really, really funny. OK, I'm not thinking this through too clearly, but I'm not alone: 'what a twat!!!!' suggests stuie1971, echoing my thoughts on the matter. Not all agree, however, 'Really sad. Stupid riding like that can earn you a wheelchair for the rest of your life. NOT FUNNY AT ALL' notes a DIGGINSMCCAIN, clearly one of YouTube's voices of reason.



 

- Great moments in sport 1: Senna kicks ass in 1993

In Formula 1, wet weather racing is considered to be the great equaliser of cars; that is, the driver makes more of a difference. Speeds must be reduced and car superiority in power or grip is greatly reduced. The rain demands great driver car control, ability and driving finesse. Senna had some of his best performances in such conditions. One of his tactics was not to change into the rain tyres at the start of the rain but to keep racing using slick tyres. Although it made racing much more difficult Senna, the sneaky bugger, often gained several seconds of time ahead of his competitors because most of them were driving into the pitstop to change tyres.

The 1984 season was Senna's first in F1. He came into a field of competitors from whose ranks 16 world championships would be reaped. Participating as a rookie in a relatively crap car, the Toleman TG184, Senna had racked up three race retirements, a 6th and a 7th place from his first 5 races. He started the first wet race of the season, the Monaco Grand Prix in 13th place. The race was stopped for safety reasons after only 31 laps due to monsoon conditions. At the time the race was stopped, Senna was classified in 2nd place, and catching up to race leader Alain Prost, at 4 seconds per lap. Senna's performance in this race, on a track on which it is notoriously difficult to pass other competitors, should be contrasted with the events of recent races at Monaco in which passing has been the exception rather than the norm, especially in dry conditions.

In 1993, at the European GP at Donington Park, Senna drove for the McLaren team. The MP4/8, although one of the front running cars, was considered inferior to the leading Williams FW15C of Prost and Hill, and the Benetton B193 (which used a factory-supplied Ford engine) driven by Michael Schumacher and Riccardo Patrese. Some maintain that the Williams FW14B and FW15C were probably the most technologically advanced cars that will ever race in Formula One. This didn't matter much to Senna in this race. 



Careful lad, or someone might end up hurt


He started in fourth place on the grid. At the very start, Hill cut across Schumacher's line, causing Schumacher to cut further to the outside across Senna's own line. Karl Wendlinger's Sauber then passed both Schumacher and Senna on the inside, leaving Senna in fifth and Schumacher in fourth. Senna cut to the inside, having no room to move to the outside as Schumacher came across. Despite being in fifth place at that point, at the end of the first lap he was in first place, having overtaken Schumacher, Wendlinger, Hill and Prost. Examples of wet weather car control such as this gained Senna the title "The Rain Master" in numerous F1 publications in the early 90s. The opening lap is frequently cited as a one of the sport's great moments. Senna is regarded by many as the fastest driver that has ever been involved in Formula One Motor Racing and was also rated by a 2006 F1 magazine poll to be the greatest Formula One driver of all time.

- Ladder Racing

I'm tired just watching these guys, I have to admit. I wonder what inspired this sport, I really do. A lot of things, as we know, are first attempted when drunk, but this surely would have resulted in death had this been the case, thus quickly ending the great ladder race experiment.

After literally seconds of research, I found out that there is a sport, or rather a series of sports known as Firematic Racing, which, apparently, 'carry on a tradition as old as firefighting itself.' Today, it is a sport which is believed to exist in New York State alone. The commentary on this clip doesn't sound particularly New Yorkian, so we can only assume that Firematics is spreading around the world.


Men with ladders

Numeorus inane comments accompany this clip on YouTube, the only person talking any sense seems to be a Mindfreak36912, who notes the possible advantages to those in the gutter cleaning profession.