- The Horrors of Turkish Driving: PART TWO

The term ‘Micropenis’, which is an actual medical term, describes an unusually small penis in a human male. A common criterion for this condition is a dorsal (measured on top) erect penile length at least 2.5 standard deviations smaller than the mean penis size. The condition is usually recognized shortly after birth. The term is most often used medically when the rest of the penis, scrotum, and perineum is well-formed. One way of recognizing a micropenis victim is to go to Turkey and look for any vehicle being driven in a ridiculously piss-poor manner, such as the one in the clip you’re about to watch.



Let’s hope he’s removed himself from the gene pool by now

Micropenis can have a variety of causes. Since it is defined statistically, a large proportion of males with micropenis are simply normal but in the lowest percentile of normal size. While driving like a total moron is an obvious symptom of this condition, it is not believed to alleviate it in any way, and is, therefore, a totally pointless exercise. A certain sinancetinkaya, the YouTube contributor of this video, had this to say, ‘Video benim değil, araç sanırım clio v6 RS (The video isn’t mine, I believe the vehicle to be a clio v6RS).’ A man of few words, clearly. Naturally, neither sinancetinkaya nor anyone else would openly admit to being afflicted with this condition, but I’m willing to take his word for it that this isn’t him driving. A zakaka31 elaborates, ‘adam manyakmış (the man is a maniac).’

- Zen and the art of being a moron

Many fine men have ridden motorbikes. Few have written about them as eloquently as Robert M. Pirsig in Zen and the art of motorcycle maintenence:


Not everyone understands what a completely rational process this is, this maintenance of a motorcycle. They think it's some kind of a "knack" or some kind of "affinity for machines" in operation. They are right, but the knack is almost purely a process of reason, and most of the troubles are caused by what old time radio men called a "short between the earphones," failures to use the head properly. A motorcycle functions entirely in accordance with the laws of reason.


Somehow I doubt the total fuckwit in this clip has read this book...


We're not talking about rocket science here, gentlemen

This is funny. This is really, really funny. OK, I'm not thinking this through too clearly, but I'm not alone: 'what a twat!!!!' suggests stuie1971, echoing my thoughts on the matter. Not all agree, however, 'Really sad. Stupid riding like that can earn you a wheelchair for the rest of your life. NOT FUNNY AT ALL' notes a DIGGINSMCCAIN, clearly one of YouTube's voices of reason.



 

- The Horrors of Turkish Driving: PART ONE

OK, OK, I know that people all around the world are horrible drivers; road rage is a universal problem. Quite frankly, I don’t care how bad other countries are. I live in Turkey and I’m telling you, the most cretinous, just crawled out of the swamp retard drivers on the planet live in Turkey. The video you’re about to be horrified by is absolutely typical of every single journey I’ve ever made in this country.


The word ‘incompetence’ has just been redefined by these tools

Don’t get me wrong, I love Turkey. I do genuinely wish, however, that there was some kind of Guantanemo Bay facility by the side of every road where bad drivers could be immediately removed from their vehicles and detained for the term of their natural lives.

In the words of the creator of this work, nlty2000:


Unbelievable traffic madness in Turkey. This is a short compilation of my 11km urban commute. These funny happenings are ordinary in every city. I am late for work almost everyday because of accidents. You cannot see the accidents here, I was not lucky enough to have any of them happened right in front of me. Stay tuned for an accident scene compilation video.

I hereby warn every tourist about dangers and risks of road transport in Turkey. Avoid, if possible. Death rate happens to be a close second or third in the world, right behind India and China (or Iran).


I’ll be returning to the work of nlty2000 on a regular basis. Oh, and while we’re at it, the driver of 34 ZZ 8306 who tried to gouge off the front of my car with his incompetent driving the other day: you’ve got a really, really small penis and bad driving isn’t going to change that fact.